Soul Food

When I wake up in the morning, it's dark. When I come home at five, it's dark. In between, it's gray. Sometimes I see the sun for short bursts of time, but usually it feels like it's hiding under the blankets and sleeping until spring comes. In winter, even the sun is depressed. Why should I get out of bed when even the sun can't muster the energy?

I should count my blessings, I'm told. Winter in Freiburg is nothing compared to Berlin, Hamburg, etc. You barely have to wear a scarf. People are still out, riding their bikes--they look happy, don't they? What's your problem? You don't even have to work that much.

Well, sorry. I'll let my brain know as soon as she returns from her mood swing.

I try to convince myself that I should be having the time of my life, but I don't know what that means. It sounds like something that requires more money than what I have. Thank god I get paid tomorrow--I spent my last eight euro on Friday. It was okay to be poor at college. I was so busy, I barely noticed. Most of my friends were within a half a mile of me. If I went to the Daily Grind and brought my own cup, I could drink delicious coffee for $1 and get a refill for 50 cents. I could sit there all day, writing my thesis and talking to people who came by. That was a great day.

Now, I've found something else to write (this blog not included). It's under wraps for now, but I know that writing it will be more challenging than the thesis ever was. Evan and I are reading the same book and discussing it to keep our long-distance relationship (and our brains) fresh. Melissa and I are starting a Sunday writing club at an awesome coffeeshop in Stühlinger called Jos. Fritz. Now I need to start smoking and buy a beret. Maybe start meditating.

TV is great, but it won't pull me out of my funk. Usually I just feel lazy afterwards. The gym is great for my body, but it's so hard to get up and go. Skype/Google voice/Google chat help me feel less isolated, but the screen is like a strange barrier that can sometimes make conversations feel a little superficial. Planning trips gives me things to look forward to; after all, this will probably be the last time I will be in Europe for so long.

Still, I need soul food.